Very long...ramble...prayer request

[laura]

I am back sliding.

It's true, I am confessing it.

Here's the good news.........I recognize what I am doing. I can 'see' what is going on.......

Now I have to make it stop.

I am not a woman of many friends. I can count them on one hand. I don't like making new friends....it never seems to work out ((looking in all the wrong places I am sure)).

Yesterday was my son's 14th b-day party.
I could not wait for it to be over.
I had this "cloud" around me all day.....
I 'felt' used. Like the whole reason why everyone comes over is because I provide good eats....

We had 6 families over. 1) my parents 2) my aunt and her bf 3) bil +sil 4) friends of my son 5) friends of my son 6) my gf and her kid.

I CAN NOT STAND being around my SIL.
She NEVER shuts up. She's one of those 'types' that knows EVERYTHING about EVERY subject you talk about.
She is now sub-teaching at her sons Elm. school.......
NOW she's an authority on education....
She's left-winged liberal. She's uneducated.
She's obnoxious. She doesn't tell the truth, ever. She will lie to you about what she had for breakfast, if it will provide her the opportunity to talk more about herself.
To top it off......she's 'religious'.
God forgive me, but I can't stand being around her.
If she were not my SIL I would NEVER spend time with her.

I used to 'feel sorry for her' I used to pray for her...
Now, I just want to do whatever I can to get away from her. The sound of her voice makes my skin crawl.

**In Laura's perfect world**
This is what I want, and I don't know how to obtain it.
I want to be around like-mind Christians.
I want to be involved in Bible Study.
I want to be connected to the "Body".
I want to stop hanging around people who suck the life out of me.....family or not.

Please pray for me.......I just feel like someone has pulled the plug on me, and all of the life is draining out.
I want to live Victoriously in Christ. I don't want to have a frown on my face......I want to be a shining light on the hill again!!

Thanks.
Laura

[JCsMomma]

{{{{{{{Laura}}}}}}}
I want to start off by telling you that I do not believe you are backsliding. I believe you are in a time of growth and stretching. God is preparing you for bigger and better things, but in order to do that, He needs to "clean you out" so to speak. You are not alone in this! There are several of us that are going through it right now and although it is necessary and I am glad that He has chosen me as one of the one's to use and grow in this way... I do not like it very much!!
I have a verse for you.. Isaiah 54, particularly verses 2,4 and 14. The Lord just may be challenging you to establish stronger boundaries around your family and personal life. This is something that I am also seeing more and more of.
As far as being connected to the body, in a lot of ways you already are. However, you do need to get plugged into a good church if you aren't. That is the best possible place to grow and develop. I know that the Lord will bring the right people into your life at the right time.
I am praying for you.. for the Lord to give you peace and to show you His plan for your life and the direction you need to take to get there.
Much love,
Cherise

[laura]

Cherise,

Thank you. Sometimes I feel like I am screaming in a vacuum and no one hears...
Thank you for your prayers.
Laura

[flboysmom]

Cherise,
What a terrific point! There have been many days over the past few weeks, that I remind myself "to whom much is given, much is required". I have several people ask me all of the time, "How do you do it?". There are several roles I have, but I know that our Heavenly Father has ordained each one of them. I definently feel like I am being cleaned out spiritually and it's tough. There are circumstances that I've had to handle and have only done so by His Grace. It's sufficient for all of our needs, He sees us, He knows our experiences, and He is there to greet us with His new mercies each morning. What a blessing it is to have the coal placed upon our lips. I want to be refined by the Master!

[laura]

I have been given precious Scripture to deal with my anger.

Here is what I have discovered:

2 Corinthians 6:14-18

Do Not Be Yoked With Unbelievers

14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?
16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people."
17 "Therefore come out from them
and be separate, says the Lord.
Touch no unclean thing,
and I will receive you."[c]
18 "I will be a Father to you,
and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."[d]

Footnotes:

2 Corinthians 6:15 Greek Beliar, a variant of Belial
2 Corinthians 6:16 Lev. 26:12; Jer. 32:38; Ezek. 37:27
2 Corinthians 6:17 Isaiah 52:11; Ezek. 20:34,41
2 Corinthians 6:18 2 Samuel 7:14; 7:8

Just a verse everyone has read probably one hundered times?

Here's what I did. I looked up "key" words in this verse, in Greek. I went back to the "orignal" meaning of the word. Here's what I found:

Belial in Greek is: belial.
It's orginal meaning was either "worthless" or "hopless ruin". It also had he meanings of "extreme wickedness and destruction". the latter indicated the destiny of the former. In the period between the Old Testament and the New Testament, it came to be a PROPER NAME FOR SATAN!!! (bold is mine) There may be an indication of this in Nahum 1:15, where the word translated "the wicked one" is Belial. In the NT, in 2 Corintians 6:15, it is set in contrast to Christ and represents a personification of the system of impure worship connected especially with the cult of Aphrodite (which is the Greek goddess of "love")

Separate in Greek is: aphorizo.
It means to "mark off by bound" "to determine a limit." In 2 Corinthians 6:17, it is talking about the separation of believers from un-believers.

Unclean in Greek is: akatartos.
It means impure, defiled.
In 2 Corinthians 6:17 is is speaking about the morally unclean.

In all of this I find comfort

*I* in my flesh, chose to be reconciled to my in-laws. *I* prayed, but *I* took it upon myself, to reconcile our families.
It was a "GOOD" thing to do..get our families back together.
It was a noble thing to do.

Unfortunately it was not GOD'S THING to do.
And it has failed miserablely.
And it is a hard reminder to me, that when I try to step out in my "flesh" and "do good things" if they are not part of God's Plan.....they will fail.

He is trying to protect me: He is trying to grow me......
And I put *this mess* in my path.

I have asked God to forgive me for this. I have asked His forgiveness for my angry outburst.........and I am asking Him to bring me back under His Protection!!

Thanks for your prayers.
Laura