Post by JCsMomma on Sept 3, 2005 11:01:29 GMT -5
When an older woman befriends a younger woman, she is likely to influence the younger woman's thinking and actions. That can be good news or bad news. For example, it is bad news when the older woman leads the younger woman into heresy. It is good news when the older woman is doctrinally sound. It is bad news when the older woman rebels against the authority of the elders in her church or her husband. It is good news when she is graciously under their authority. It is bad news when the older woman is a gossip. It is good news when she is like the "holy women of old" (1 Peter 3:5).
Obviously, God does not want an older woman to be a bad influence on the younger Christian women. Instead, He wants her to have the godly character listed in Titus 2:3-5.
"Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored" (emphasis added).
This chapter explains how a Christian woman can have the character of the Titus 2 woman. Regardless of her age now, she can eventually become an older woman who truly does "teach what is good" and "encourage the young women" (Titus 2:3-4).
The Characteristics of the Older Woman Reverent in Her Behavior
The Greek word for reverent is hieroprepeis. It is two Greek words put together to make one word. Heirps means sacred or sacred services. Prepei means proper, to be fitting. Behavior is the word katastema meaning demeanor or behavior or deportment. (Deportment is how you act.) In other words, you behave in a proper manner. The King James Version of the Bible expresses it beautifully, "behavior as becometh holiness."
Matthew Henry described this type of a woman as one whose "behavior becomes a woman consecrated to God." She should act and dress in a manner pleasing to God. She should be outwardly different from the world and holy within.
Reverent in Her Dress and Attitude and Reverent in How She Acts
How can a godly woman be "reverent in her behavior?" One way is by how she dresses. She should dress in a feminine manner, not like a man. She should be modest, not sensual and provocative. She should enjoy the freedom she has in the Lord to wear make-up and dress pretty but not be ostentatious and vain. Rather she should adorn herself by her good works as Paul wrote to Timothy:
"Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments; but rather by means of good works, as befits women making a claim to godliness." 1 Timothy 2:9-10
One time I spoke to a ladies' group at a church where the women believed that it was a sin for a Christian woman to wear jewelry. On the surface of Paul's letter to Timothy, it may seem that they are correct. However, the Apostle Paul is not saying in 1 Timothy that women are not to braid their hair or wear jewelry. Paul was writing to Timothy whom he had left in Ephesus as a pastor to the new church. In Ephesus, the temple prostitutes were known for their gaudy, suggestive, vain-glorying, extreme styles for their hair and jewelry. Unbeknownst to the prostitutes, their only beauty was surface and empty. Paul did not want the Christian women to look like th worldly women. They should be different. So, what this passage means is that a Christian's manner of dress should be free from ostentation. If she is going to stand out, it should be because of her good works done quietly.
Peter wrote of a similar concern to Christians scattered throughout the world. In 1 Peter 3:3-4, he addresses the proper adornment of a godly woman.
And let not your adornment be merely external - braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
In this passage, Peter (like Paul) could not be saying a woman cannot wear braided hair and gold jewelry. If he were, she would be forbidden to wear dresses, too! Rather what he is saying is that her external adornment should not be her emphasis. Her true beauty comes from what is on the inside - a "gentle and quiet spirit." This kind of gentleness is a meekness. It is accepting God's dealings with her as good. She does not resist not dispute with God. In addition to a gentle heart, she has a quiet spirit; One that is peaceable and tranquil. She is not given to anger or fear.
Her attitude is like the "Excellent Wife" in Proverbs 31. Her attitude towards the future shows her reverence and quiet trust in God. She is "not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet." She is clothed with strength and dignity as she "smiles at the future" (Proverbs 31:21,25).
we have a godly, precious young couple in our church. One day, Duane and Cynthia's basement was flooding with water because their sump pump had stopped working. She became very distraught and called her husband at work and asked him to come home and repair it. He told her that he could not leave but he would instruct her how to repair the ailing pump. She did not handle it very well even though he very patiently explained to her what to do. She finally relented and did as Duane asked. Lo and behold, the pump began to work! Later, her husband called back to see if she had (by God's grace) regained her "gentle and quiet spirit" (1 Peter 3:5).
This is an extraordinary example of a loving husband who was trying to help his wife be reverent in her behavior. Instead of being offended by his inquiry, a truly godly wife would be grateful for the gentle reminder. In addition to husbands reminding their wives to have the proper, reverent attitude, the older women should be reminding the younger women also. In fact, they themselves should be "reverent in their behavior" (Titus 2:3).
Let me summarize the point. Godly women reflect reverence in their behavior by dressing in a manner that is not sensual, provocative, masculine, or excessively gaudy and ostentatious. Instead, their adornment is their good works and their gentle hearts and quiet spirits. The attitude of their hearts (what they think) is pleasing to God. In addition, a godly woman is.......
Reverent in How She Acts
Another way a godly woman is reverent in her behavior is by how she acts. She shows love to others by remembering that "love is not rude" (1 Corinthians 13:5). She has good manners. She does not push and shove in the department store. She does not embarrass herself and others by yelling at the store clerk and making loud threats when circumstances are not going her way. She is not loud and obnoxious and rolling over people like a steam roller. Plainly put, she behaves herself. She is a proper lady at home and in public.
I want to clarify something here. Being "reverent in her behavior" does not mean she whispers when she talks, hides in the background, or does not look at others when they talk. I used to know a woman who did whisper when she talked and I remember thinking, "she is so sweet and feminine and godly." That is what I thought before I really got to know her character! It turned out that she is mean as a snake, but certainly whispers sweetly as the venom is coming out of her mouth.
In contrast, women who are actually reverent in their behavior enjoy life. They laugh and speak loudly enough for others to hear. They do not have a false idea of spirituality. They have fun and love the Lord. They want to make others comfortable. They show love to others by acting properly as they rejoice in every day that the Lord has made. Their dress, attitude, and behavior are pleasing to the Lord. They are a modernized version of the "holy women of old" (1 Peter 3:5).
So, the Titus 2 woman is to be reverent in her behavior. She is also not to be a malicious gossip.
Not a Malicious Gossip
"Not a malicious gossip" is me diabolous in Greek. Diabolous is the same word translated Devil or Satan. It means to "accuse, to repudiate, to give false information, or to be a talebearer." Obviously, gossip is a grievous sin. Often it is the socially acceptable sin. It is so easy to let that one little tid-bit of information out especially if you are upset with the other person. An older woman must have integrity regarding the information that the younger woman gives her. Her focus should be to help the younger woman respond righteously to those who have hurt and offended her. The Titus 2 Woman guards her words carefully , does not talk too much, and gives godly counsel but does not gossip.
Guards Her Words Carefully
"Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things" (1 Timothy 3:11, emphasis added.)
Yesterday I went to the post office and ran into a lady from my Bible study class. Her son had broken his leg very badly and we were discussing what had happened. An older gentleman came in and got in line behind us. I realized he thought we were in line and we were not so I said, "Sir, we are not in line, we are just talking." He laughed and said, "I know how women are. I have five sisters and I was the only son. I also have a wife and four daughters!" He was teasing us, but he had a point. Women do enjoy talking. Of course there is nothing wrong with talking unless they do not guard their words carefully.
The biblical criteria for the words you say could be summed up with three principles: speak edifying words, speak truthful words, and speak good report words.
Edifying Words
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29
Edifying words build up the other person. They are not a false, manipulative form of giving praise. They are spoken for the purpose of helping the other person be strong in the Lord or to help them become more like the Lord Jesus Christ. They may be encouraging or they may be a reproof. It depends on what would be appropriate. Such words are honoring to the Lord and have an eternal purpose and worth.
The Titus 2 Woman must be steeped in the Scriptures if she is going to truly edify others. Her desire would be to help the other person be like Christ. She would be sensitive to the "need of the moment" (Ephesians 4:29). The purpose of her words is to "give grace to those who hear" (Ephesians 4:29). Her words are good and beneficial to the hearer, not unwholesome. The underlying meaning of unwholesome is rotten. Consider the following examples of "rotten words (unwholesome)" compared to "beneficial words (good)".
The Titus 2 Woman speaks edifying words. Her words give grace to the other person. They are not unwholesome. They are also truthful.
{This is Cherise - the next little bit is in a chart of sorts - what I am going to do is put the "rotten" words first and then the alternative "good, beneficial words" after it}
1. "Sue, your husband is stupid! That is the worst thing I ever heard." - "Sue, the Lord wants you to give your husband a blessing instead of returning evil for evil." 1 Peter 3:11
2. "If I were you, I would leave him. I certainly would not let him treat me like that." - "I know your circumstances are hard, but if you must suffer, suffer for doing what is right."
3. "Guess what I heard about Judy?" - "Guess what I learned from the Bible study?"
4. "Let me tell you the details of the s*x scene in this book I read." - "Let me tell you what I read in R.C. Sproul's book, The Holiness of God."
5. "#@%!$*&. That makes me furious!" - "Thank you Lord for this test. Help me to respond in love."
Truthful Words
Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth, each one of you, with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Ephesians 4:25
Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus that it was not enough to stop lying. They were to tell the truth. Sometimes we do not tell an outright lie but in essence we lie by leaving out part of the story or by being deceitful in some other way.
I have had clients when I worked at the Atlanta Biblical Counseling Center who blatantly lied to me. Sometimes the results were tragic because I gave counsel based on what I thought to be true. My counsel would have been different had I known the truth.
Other clients did not openly lie, but took more of a "If she doesn't ask, I won't tell" tactic. Obviously, they were being just as deceitful as those who spoke the lie. Like some of my clients, it is so easy to be a malicious gossip by leaving out part of the truth or, of course, by telling an outright lie. Instead, the words we speak should be truthful.
One word of caution however: realize that even when you are telling the truth, you can still be gossiping and painting the other person in a bad light. You would be giving a bad report instead of a good report.
Good Repute Words
As you guard your words carefully, consider whether what you are about to say is of "good repute" (Philippians 4:8). Good repute thoughts (and subsequent words) do not lead to slander and gossip. They think of the other's reputation in a favorable light. These thoughts are the kind of thoughts we are to carefully consider and think about. Otherwise, it is so easy to let a bad report out and become what Titus 2:3 warns against - a malicious gossip.
If there is something about the person that would paint them in a bad light, go to the person and speak to them about it. Your demeanor should be gentle and loving, but truthful, clear, and straightforward. Give them hope. Do not give a bad report. Do not gossip. In addition to guarding your words carefully,...
Don't Talk Too Much!!!"
When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable. But he who restrains his lips is wise. Proverbs 10:19
I know that I am not the only one who is guilty of talking too much. If you continue to talk long enough, you are likely to say something you should not have said. It is so easy to overstep the bounds of what is right. Instead, a godly woman has self-restraint. She goes to the person, she does not talk about the person. How can a younger woman or anyone for that matter trust you if you are not wise with what you say?
There is a Christian woman who has a reputation for being a gossip. She not only tells things but she tries hard to find out information. She is not above calling others and asking direct questions about someone else that are clearly none of her business. You must be on guard against people like that. If you are not careful, before you know what happened, you will have said more than you should have. Stand up to gossips, say something like, "If we continue to talk about this or I continue to listen to you talk, we are likely to begin to gossip." So, ladies, talk, but don't tlak too much!!
You may be thinking, "I do not want to gossip, but what should I do if another woman wants to talk to me about a problem she is having in a relationship and she does not know what to do." Suppose she comes to you and has a problem with her friend at church. First determine if her desire is to respond righteously. If so, listen to just enough to give her biblical guidance such as. "You need to go to your friend and gently confront her with her sin. Your motive should be to restore her to a right relationship with God" (Galatians 6:1). Show her approproate Scriptures and point out her responsibility.
If she comes back to you and wants to talk about it again but does not want to talk to her friend, then do not listen but explain, "Last time we talked I listened to enough information to give you biblical guidance. Now if we continue to talk about it, we'll just be gossiping." Then encourage her to do what is right, pray with her, and follow up later by asking her if she did. But do not let yourself be pulled into gossip.
Gossip is a besetting sin of far too many women, old and young. We must all be on guard to speak edifying, truthful, and good report words. Plainly put, it helps not to talk too much. When it is appropriate to give godly counsel, focus on the responsibility the younger woman has to biblically respond to others. Begin now to cultivate the character of a Titus 2 Woman who is not a malicious gossip.
As we have seen, the Titus 2 woman is not to be a gossip and she is to be reverent in her behavior. That is not all. She is a woman who is "not enslaved to much wine" (Titus 2:3).
Not Enslaved to Much Wine!!
It seems that in the island of Crete in the Apostle Paul's day, there was a larger than normal problem with women drinking too much. Even sweet little old grandmothers can be drunkards!
Contrary to many popular nations today, drunkenness is a sin. It is one of the deeds of the flesh listed in Galatians 5. It is listed as characteristic of an unrighteous person who "will not inherit the kingdom of God" (1 Corinthians 6:9). To be "enslaved" is the Greek word douleuo which means "to be a slave, to serve, or to be in bondage." Douleuo comes from the word doulos which means to be a slave. The Bible teaches us that we come into bondage to that which we serve - either our own sinful flesh or the Lord Jesus Christ.
Paul admonishes all Christians to "behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in strife and jealousy. But (instead) put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14, emphasis and adaptation added). Obviously, a woman enslaved to wine would be "next to useless" trying to help someone else. She would be pathetic. Thankfully, a Christian woman enslaved to wine can by God's grace repent and turn from her sin.
Ladies, alcohol is not to be a problem in your life. If you drink enough ethyl alcohol (the addictive ingredient in alcoholic beverages) you will desire and crave more and more. It will eventually snare you and you will be caught in a trap that no matter how much more you drink, it will never be enough. If it is a problem for you, confess your sin to God, remove any temptation from your home, seek godly biblical counsel, and seek accountability. If you humble yourself and get help, God will give you the grace to pursue righteousness. The day will come when alcohol is no longer a temptation or an issue. I know because I was once in bondage to alcohol. Now I do not even think about it. God has so changed my character that it is not a problem.
We all choose whom to obey. Some obey the Lord and others obey their fleshly cravings and desires. Consider what Paul wrote to the Roman church members:
Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness? But thanks be to God that though you were slaves to sin, you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed, and having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness. Romans 6:16-18
All day long every day you make choices about what you will think about or do. Think of it as a matter of obedience. If you obey God, you will not "carry out the desire of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16). It will mean, at times, you will not always be able to do what will please you (Galatians 5:17). If alcohol is a problem, the pull of your flesh will be great but as you obey God and ask Him for strength and guidance and direct your thoughts to more lofty desires such as prayer for others, God will gradually make it easier and easier for you to resist your sinful self. Eventually, by His power, you will have victory over drunkenness.
Many of you are probably not plagued with drunkenness. However, there is a secondary application. You can be enslaved to other things such as television, food, romance novels, or prescription drugs. Just because something may be "lawful" such as prescription drugs does not mean it is profitable. Paul explained by saying...
All things are lawful for me, but nor all things are profitable. All things are lawfull for me, but I will not be mastered by anything. 1 Corinthians 6:12
Being mastered by anything other than the Lord Jesus Christ is a serious sin, but by God's grace, you can repent. Paul wrote to the church at Corinth and warned them sternly that drunkards (and others) would "not inherit the kingdom of God" (1 Corinthians 6:10). Then came the astounding news, "And such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sactified (made holy), but you were justified (declared righteous by God) in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Spirit of our God" (1 Corinthians 6:11, adaptation added).
Instead of pursuing wine or food, use that same energy to think about God - His goodness, mercy, and holiness. Think about and plan ahead how He might want you to glorify Him with the same energy it would have taken you to pursue that to which you are in bondage. Ask yourself, "For Jesus' sake, what do I want to do with this block of time?" The answer is usually obvious - "Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God" (1 Corinthians 10:31, emphasis added).
Conclusion
In this chapter, we have considered three characteristics of the Titus 2 woman. She is reverent in her behavior, not a malicious gossip, and not enslved to much wine (or anything else for that matter!). She is mature and stable and not out of control. She is a woman whom the elders in her church could depend upon to be a good influence over the younger women. She is a woman who continues to work on these qualities in her life and continues to ask for God's wisdom, conviction, and grace. God has laid within her the foundation of godly character that she needs in order to teach and encourage the younger women.
*COMPLETE*
Obviously, God does not want an older woman to be a bad influence on the younger Christian women. Instead, He wants her to have the godly character listed in Titus 2:3-5.
"Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be dishonored" (emphasis added).
This chapter explains how a Christian woman can have the character of the Titus 2 woman. Regardless of her age now, she can eventually become an older woman who truly does "teach what is good" and "encourage the young women" (Titus 2:3-4).
The Characteristics of the Older Woman Reverent in Her Behavior
The Greek word for reverent is hieroprepeis. It is two Greek words put together to make one word. Heirps means sacred or sacred services. Prepei means proper, to be fitting. Behavior is the word katastema meaning demeanor or behavior or deportment. (Deportment is how you act.) In other words, you behave in a proper manner. The King James Version of the Bible expresses it beautifully, "behavior as becometh holiness."
Matthew Henry described this type of a woman as one whose "behavior becomes a woman consecrated to God." She should act and dress in a manner pleasing to God. She should be outwardly different from the world and holy within.
Reverent in Her Dress and Attitude and Reverent in How She Acts
How can a godly woman be "reverent in her behavior?" One way is by how she dresses. She should dress in a feminine manner, not like a man. She should be modest, not sensual and provocative. She should enjoy the freedom she has in the Lord to wear make-up and dress pretty but not be ostentatious and vain. Rather she should adorn herself by her good works as Paul wrote to Timothy:
"Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments; but rather by means of good works, as befits women making a claim to godliness." 1 Timothy 2:9-10
One time I spoke to a ladies' group at a church where the women believed that it was a sin for a Christian woman to wear jewelry. On the surface of Paul's letter to Timothy, it may seem that they are correct. However, the Apostle Paul is not saying in 1 Timothy that women are not to braid their hair or wear jewelry. Paul was writing to Timothy whom he had left in Ephesus as a pastor to the new church. In Ephesus, the temple prostitutes were known for their gaudy, suggestive, vain-glorying, extreme styles for their hair and jewelry. Unbeknownst to the prostitutes, their only beauty was surface and empty. Paul did not want the Christian women to look like th worldly women. They should be different. So, what this passage means is that a Christian's manner of dress should be free from ostentation. If she is going to stand out, it should be because of her good works done quietly.
Peter wrote of a similar concern to Christians scattered throughout the world. In 1 Peter 3:3-4, he addresses the proper adornment of a godly woman.
And let not your adornment be merely external - braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.
In this passage, Peter (like Paul) could not be saying a woman cannot wear braided hair and gold jewelry. If he were, she would be forbidden to wear dresses, too! Rather what he is saying is that her external adornment should not be her emphasis. Her true beauty comes from what is on the inside - a "gentle and quiet spirit." This kind of gentleness is a meekness. It is accepting God's dealings with her as good. She does not resist not dispute with God. In addition to a gentle heart, she has a quiet spirit; One that is peaceable and tranquil. She is not given to anger or fear.
Her attitude is like the "Excellent Wife" in Proverbs 31. Her attitude towards the future shows her reverence and quiet trust in God. She is "not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet." She is clothed with strength and dignity as she "smiles at the future" (Proverbs 31:21,25).
we have a godly, precious young couple in our church. One day, Duane and Cynthia's basement was flooding with water because their sump pump had stopped working. She became very distraught and called her husband at work and asked him to come home and repair it. He told her that he could not leave but he would instruct her how to repair the ailing pump. She did not handle it very well even though he very patiently explained to her what to do. She finally relented and did as Duane asked. Lo and behold, the pump began to work! Later, her husband called back to see if she had (by God's grace) regained her "gentle and quiet spirit" (1 Peter 3:5).
This is an extraordinary example of a loving husband who was trying to help his wife be reverent in her behavior. Instead of being offended by his inquiry, a truly godly wife would be grateful for the gentle reminder. In addition to husbands reminding their wives to have the proper, reverent attitude, the older women should be reminding the younger women also. In fact, they themselves should be "reverent in their behavior" (Titus 2:3).
Let me summarize the point. Godly women reflect reverence in their behavior by dressing in a manner that is not sensual, provocative, masculine, or excessively gaudy and ostentatious. Instead, their adornment is their good works and their gentle hearts and quiet spirits. The attitude of their hearts (what they think) is pleasing to God. In addition, a godly woman is.......
Reverent in How She Acts
Another way a godly woman is reverent in her behavior is by how she acts. She shows love to others by remembering that "love is not rude" (1 Corinthians 13:5). She has good manners. She does not push and shove in the department store. She does not embarrass herself and others by yelling at the store clerk and making loud threats when circumstances are not going her way. She is not loud and obnoxious and rolling over people like a steam roller. Plainly put, she behaves herself. She is a proper lady at home and in public.
I want to clarify something here. Being "reverent in her behavior" does not mean she whispers when she talks, hides in the background, or does not look at others when they talk. I used to know a woman who did whisper when she talked and I remember thinking, "she is so sweet and feminine and godly." That is what I thought before I really got to know her character! It turned out that she is mean as a snake, but certainly whispers sweetly as the venom is coming out of her mouth.
In contrast, women who are actually reverent in their behavior enjoy life. They laugh and speak loudly enough for others to hear. They do not have a false idea of spirituality. They have fun and love the Lord. They want to make others comfortable. They show love to others by acting properly as they rejoice in every day that the Lord has made. Their dress, attitude, and behavior are pleasing to the Lord. They are a modernized version of the "holy women of old" (1 Peter 3:5).
So, the Titus 2 woman is to be reverent in her behavior. She is also not to be a malicious gossip.
Not a Malicious Gossip
"Not a malicious gossip" is me diabolous in Greek. Diabolous is the same word translated Devil or Satan. It means to "accuse, to repudiate, to give false information, or to be a talebearer." Obviously, gossip is a grievous sin. Often it is the socially acceptable sin. It is so easy to let that one little tid-bit of information out especially if you are upset with the other person. An older woman must have integrity regarding the information that the younger woman gives her. Her focus should be to help the younger woman respond righteously to those who have hurt and offended her. The Titus 2 Woman guards her words carefully , does not talk too much, and gives godly counsel but does not gossip.
Guards Her Words Carefully
"Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things" (1 Timothy 3:11, emphasis added.)
Yesterday I went to the post office and ran into a lady from my Bible study class. Her son had broken his leg very badly and we were discussing what had happened. An older gentleman came in and got in line behind us. I realized he thought we were in line and we were not so I said, "Sir, we are not in line, we are just talking." He laughed and said, "I know how women are. I have five sisters and I was the only son. I also have a wife and four daughters!" He was teasing us, but he had a point. Women do enjoy talking. Of course there is nothing wrong with talking unless they do not guard their words carefully.
The biblical criteria for the words you say could be summed up with three principles: speak edifying words, speak truthful words, and speak good report words.
Edifying Words
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear." Ephesians 4:29
Edifying words build up the other person. They are not a false, manipulative form of giving praise. They are spoken for the purpose of helping the other person be strong in the Lord or to help them become more like the Lord Jesus Christ. They may be encouraging or they may be a reproof. It depends on what would be appropriate. Such words are honoring to the Lord and have an eternal purpose and worth.
The Titus 2 Woman must be steeped in the Scriptures if she is going to truly edify others. Her desire would be to help the other person be like Christ. She would be sensitive to the "need of the moment" (Ephesians 4:29). The purpose of her words is to "give grace to those who hear" (Ephesians 4:29). Her words are good and beneficial to the hearer, not unwholesome. The underlying meaning of unwholesome is rotten. Consider the following examples of "rotten words (unwholesome)" compared to "beneficial words (good)".
The Titus 2 Woman speaks edifying words. Her words give grace to the other person. They are not unwholesome. They are also truthful.
{This is Cherise - the next little bit is in a chart of sorts - what I am going to do is put the "rotten" words first and then the alternative "good, beneficial words" after it}
1. "Sue, your husband is stupid! That is the worst thing I ever heard." - "Sue, the Lord wants you to give your husband a blessing instead of returning evil for evil." 1 Peter 3:11
2. "If I were you, I would leave him. I certainly would not let him treat me like that." - "I know your circumstances are hard, but if you must suffer, suffer for doing what is right."
3. "Guess what I heard about Judy?" - "Guess what I learned from the Bible study?"
4. "Let me tell you the details of the s*x scene in this book I read." - "Let me tell you what I read in R.C. Sproul's book, The Holiness of God."
5. "#@%!$*&. That makes me furious!" - "Thank you Lord for this test. Help me to respond in love."
Truthful Words
Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth, each one of you, with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. Ephesians 4:25
Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus that it was not enough to stop lying. They were to tell the truth. Sometimes we do not tell an outright lie but in essence we lie by leaving out part of the story or by being deceitful in some other way.
I have had clients when I worked at the Atlanta Biblical Counseling Center who blatantly lied to me. Sometimes the results were tragic because I gave counsel based on what I thought to be true. My counsel would have been different had I known the truth.
Other clients did not openly lie, but took more of a "If she doesn't ask, I won't tell" tactic. Obviously, they were being just as deceitful as those who spoke the lie. Like some of my clients, it is so easy to be a malicious gossip by leaving out part of the truth or, of course, by telling an outright lie. Instead, the words we speak should be truthful.
One word of caution however: realize that even when you are telling the truth, you can still be gossiping and painting the other person in a bad light. You would be giving a bad report instead of a good report.
Good Repute Words
As you guard your words carefully, consider whether what you are about to say is of "good repute" (Philippians 4:8). Good repute thoughts (and subsequent words) do not lead to slander and gossip. They think of the other's reputation in a favorable light. These thoughts are the kind of thoughts we are to carefully consider and think about. Otherwise, it is so easy to let a bad report out and become what Titus 2:3 warns against - a malicious gossip.
If there is something about the person that would paint them in a bad light, go to the person and speak to them about it. Your demeanor should be gentle and loving, but truthful, clear, and straightforward. Give them hope. Do not give a bad report. Do not gossip. In addition to guarding your words carefully,...
Don't Talk Too Much!!!"
When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable. But he who restrains his lips is wise. Proverbs 10:19
I know that I am not the only one who is guilty of talking too much. If you continue to talk long enough, you are likely to say something you should not have said. It is so easy to overstep the bounds of what is right. Instead, a godly woman has self-restraint. She goes to the person, she does not talk about the person. How can a younger woman or anyone for that matter trust you if you are not wise with what you say?
There is a Christian woman who has a reputation for being a gossip. She not only tells things but she tries hard to find out information. She is not above calling others and asking direct questions about someone else that are clearly none of her business. You must be on guard against people like that. If you are not careful, before you know what happened, you will have said more than you should have. Stand up to gossips, say something like, "If we continue to talk about this or I continue to listen to you talk, we are likely to begin to gossip." So, ladies, talk, but don't tlak too much!!
You may be thinking, "I do not want to gossip, but what should I do if another woman wants to talk to me about a problem she is having in a relationship and she does not know what to do." Suppose she comes to you and has a problem with her friend at church. First determine if her desire is to respond righteously. If so, listen to just enough to give her biblical guidance such as. "You need to go to your friend and gently confront her with her sin. Your motive should be to restore her to a right relationship with God" (Galatians 6:1). Show her approproate Scriptures and point out her responsibility.
If she comes back to you and wants to talk about it again but does not want to talk to her friend, then do not listen but explain, "Last time we talked I listened to enough information to give you biblical guidance. Now if we continue to talk about it, we'll just be gossiping." Then encourage her to do what is right, pray with her, and follow up later by asking her if she did. But do not let yourself be pulled into gossip.
Gossip is a besetting sin of far too many women, old and young. We must all be on guard to speak edifying, truthful, and good report words. Plainly put, it helps not to talk too much. When it is appropriate to give godly counsel, focus on the responsibility the younger woman has to biblically respond to others. Begin now to cultivate the character of a Titus 2 Woman who is not a malicious gossip.
As we have seen, the Titus 2 woman is not to be a gossip and she is to be reverent in her behavior. That is not all. She is a woman who is "not enslaved to much wine" (Titus 2:3).
Not Enslaved to Much Wine!!
It seems that in the island of Crete in the Apostle Paul's day, there was a larger than normal problem with women drinking too much. Even sweet little old grandmothers can be drunkards!
Contrary to many popular nations today, drunkenness is a sin. It is one of the deeds of the flesh listed in Galatians 5. It is listed as characteristic of an unrighteous person who "will not inherit the kingdom of God" (1 Corinthians 6:9). To be "enslaved" is the Greek word douleuo which means "to be a slave, to serve, or to be in bondage." Douleuo comes from the word doulos which means to be a slave. The Bible teaches us that we come into bondage to that which we serve - either our own sinful flesh or the Lord Jesus Christ.
Paul admonishes all Christians to "behave properly as in the day, not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual promiscuity and sensuality, not in strife and jealousy. But (instead) put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts" (Romans 13:13-14, emphasis and adaptation added). Obviously, a woman enslaved to wine would be "next to useless" trying to help someone else. She would be pathetic. Thankfully, a Christian woman enslaved to wine can by God's grace repent and turn from her sin.
Ladies, alcohol is not to be a problem in your life. If you drink enough ethyl alcohol (the addictive ingredient in alcoholic beverages) you will desire and crave more and more. It will eventually snare you and you will be caught in a trap that no matter how much more you drink, it will never be enough. If it is a problem for you, confess your sin to God, remove any temptation from your home, seek godly biblical counsel, and seek accountability. If you humble yourself and get help, God will give you the grace to pursue righteousness. The day will come when alcohol is no longer a temptation or an issue. I know because I was once in bondage to alcohol. Now I do not even think about it. God has so changed my character that it is not a problem.
We all choose whom to obey. Some obey the Lord and others obey their fleshly cravings and desires. Consider what Paul wrote to the Roman church members:
Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness? But thanks be to God that though you were slaves to sin, you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed, and having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness. Romans 6:16-18
All day long every day you make choices about what you will think about or do. Think of it as a matter of obedience. If you obey God, you will not "carry out the desire of the flesh" (Galatians 5:16). It will mean, at times, you will not always be able to do what will please you (Galatians 5:17). If alcohol is a problem, the pull of your flesh will be great but as you obey God and ask Him for strength and guidance and direct your thoughts to more lofty desires such as prayer for others, God will gradually make it easier and easier for you to resist your sinful self. Eventually, by His power, you will have victory over drunkenness.
Many of you are probably not plagued with drunkenness. However, there is a secondary application. You can be enslaved to other things such as television, food, romance novels, or prescription drugs. Just because something may be "lawful" such as prescription drugs does not mean it is profitable. Paul explained by saying...
All things are lawful for me, but nor all things are profitable. All things are lawfull for me, but I will not be mastered by anything. 1 Corinthians 6:12
Being mastered by anything other than the Lord Jesus Christ is a serious sin, but by God's grace, you can repent. Paul wrote to the church at Corinth and warned them sternly that drunkards (and others) would "not inherit the kingdom of God" (1 Corinthians 6:10). Then came the astounding news, "And such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sactified (made holy), but you were justified (declared righteous by God) in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Spirit of our God" (1 Corinthians 6:11, adaptation added).
Instead of pursuing wine or food, use that same energy to think about God - His goodness, mercy, and holiness. Think about and plan ahead how He might want you to glorify Him with the same energy it would have taken you to pursue that to which you are in bondage. Ask yourself, "For Jesus' sake, what do I want to do with this block of time?" The answer is usually obvious - "Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God" (1 Corinthians 10:31, emphasis added).
Conclusion
In this chapter, we have considered three characteristics of the Titus 2 woman. She is reverent in her behavior, not a malicious gossip, and not enslved to much wine (or anything else for that matter!). She is mature and stable and not out of control. She is a woman whom the elders in her church could depend upon to be a good influence over the younger women. She is a woman who continues to work on these qualities in her life and continues to ask for God's wisdom, conviction, and grace. God has laid within her the foundation of godly character that she needs in order to teach and encourage the younger women.
*COMPLETE*